Romans 5:1-5  Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  2 through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God.  3 And not only that, but we also boast in our hardships^a, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  5 and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (NRSV, ^amodified to NJB)

Last Friday (June 6), our Exodus family came together to watch “Anyone and Everyone,” a poignant documentary about the many challenges that parents and their gay children face during the life-changing coming out that many homosexual people endure.  After the movie, we had a time of sharing, asking and responding to questions from our community.

One particular question spoke to my heart most especially.  It was one I considered in the past week with a member of my own family.  Even as out and proud gay parents, do we pray that our own children are not gay?

I desire to one day be a parent and have watched intently as my friends and family have had children of their own.  I’m sure that, no matter what my child’s sexual orientation or gender identity, I must be open and accepting and loving.  There is simply no other option with the experience and knowledge I have.  But does my own experience inform me that life would be better if my child were not gay or transgender? 

Inherent in the wish that any child not be gay, or bi, or trans is the acknowledgement that in our society homosexuality and gender variance can and does still result in violent responses from others.  Parents facing the reality that their child is gay or trans also face the truth that yet another level of vulnerability has been added to their child’s life experience.

Knowing this, the desire that my child not be gay or trans really resides in the wish that my child not suffer.  It’s my fear that in being different from what society calls “normal,” my child might endure similar torments that I endured.  My child may be ridiculed.  My child may be discriminated against.  My child may be abused.  If I spend one iota of time wishing that my child not be gay, I know that I am not wishing so because I believe something wrong with gay-“ness,” but that I’m wishing that my child not be harmed.

As a follower of Jesus’ example, I know that my surer path and that for my child rests with eternal hope and boundless love instead of fear.  With that path comes the responsibility to change what I am able in order to raise my children with integrity and love.  I cannot change the entirety of social perspective on homosexuality or on gender variance.  I can model for my friends and family the path of love and acceptance for all and remind my siblings in Christ of the hope Christ has for us to live together in kindness and right relationship.  I can teach my child the pride it took so long for me to learn and own.  When it’s time, I can teach my child how to be an activist for self and for others. 

And I can continually quell my fears with the everlasting hope Christ renews in me.

Blessings,
-Mel

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