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Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.” The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. (Genesis 32:24-31)

You know, I’ve always been the youngest in my crowd. Well, probably not always, but I’ve certainly experienced the weight of being the “kid” or the one who’s experiences were lightened with the phrase “Oh honey, you’re just a child! Wait ‘till you get to be my age!” I suppose, as I get a little older, that a good portion of the population, if not everyone, remembers a time or place in which their identity rested in someone else’s assessment of their experience, their race, their gender, or their age. In fact, the more time I spend in the transgender communities, the more I realize that few of us are exempt from the limits placed upon us by others.

One of my favorite Bible stories that speaks to such limits is the relationship between Jacob and his brother Esau (Genesis 32:3-31). In this excerpt of their story, Jacob is on his way to meet his brother, Esau, from whom he is estranged. After years of living in the shadow of deceitful behavior including personifying his brother to steal Esau’s inheritance (“blessing”) and running away to escape Esau’s murderous intentions, Jacob finally moves to make amends. He reconnects (tremblingly) with Esau, making a grand peace offering. He’s terrified because he doesn’t know what he’ll find when he meets his kin face to face. Though Jacob has certainly changed over the years, he has no guarantee that Esau has!

It was on his way back to Esau, Jacob’s origins, that he encounters the angel. Following a brilliant plan to soften Esau’s heart, Jacob stops behind his servants who are delivering his gifts ahead of him. But during the night, Jacob ends up wrestling with an angel until the angel blesses him...with a new name – Israel.

The angel, presumably God’s servant/representative – or Godself, represents for me the many things each of us wrestle with as we come into our own. Like Jacob, we move from acting on the instructions of others toward acting of our own conscience, desires and hope. Our task toward whole identity and spiritual health lay with determining, in no uncertain terms, our identity apart from the appraisal of others, but within and in relationship to our life with God. In our own ways, all of us must come into our name, our identity or personhood, and reside within such knowledge in comfortable anxiety as the years allow us to grow. We’re forever wrestlers with angels as God invites us to become that which God calls each of us to be.